The worst thing about me is that I push people away when I’m in pain. I push them away when I need them the most. I push them away until I can’t take it anymore—until I burst and that’s just when I let them in. I don’t know why I’m like this. Maybe because I don’t want to burden them with my problems especially when I know that they have their own dilemmas to think about. I want to show them that nothing’s wrong, I’m happy, contented, and that if ever I have problems I can solve them on my own. I’m the type of girl that keeps her problems all by herself, ‘til that day comes that she couldn’t take it anymore, and she doesn’t have any choice left but to tell someone about it. I’m weird. I have unresolved issues and I don’t even know how to fix them. I’m trying, I’m taking baby steps. I know in the end it will all be worth it.
I think I need sometime alone. No internet, No phone, No people around me. I think I need sometime for myself. I need to think.
I don’t know if I can do it, but I’ll try. I could live a day without the internet, but I don’t know if I can live a day without my phone. Hmm. I’m not gonna tell you I’m planning on doing this, hahaha. I just feel like spending a day alone and not talking to you. I don’t know. Space?
Ever since my summer vacation started, sleeping at 4 am became a habit. I could actually stay up longer, but because I’m a heavy sleeper and I actually hate waking up at around 12 pm-1 pm in the afternoon, I force myself to sleep at 4 am. So you might be asking what keeps me up til 4 am. Haha. Umm, trust me, you don’t wanna know. Hahaha no, actually, I think I’m pretty much just like you guys out there, who doesn’t have anything worthwhile as a hobby. I just watch movie to kill time, blog, tweet, and..yeah. Play Sims 3, just like the old times. Oh, I also read books and sometimes download stuff from the internet like ebooks, songs, and all that. OH, and..of course. What really keeps me up ‘til 4 am is…okay. Scratch that. It’s a WHO, not a WHAT. You know what I mean. My body clock kinda changed because of him. I don’t really mind. I feel really bad everytime I don’t get to say good night and sleep in the middle of a really nice conversation. So, to make it up to him..I decided to wait til he feels sleepy. HAHAHA okay, Enough of that shit. I don’t really know why it took me this ^ amount of words as an “introduction”. Yes, it’s just an introduction. Maybe I really have a lot going on inside my head right now and I couldn’t help but type even the most irrelevant detail there is to type.
Soo, the MAIN POINT of this blog entry was about my nightmare. So I slept at 4 am earlier, then I woke up at around 5:50 ‘cause I forced myself to wake up and get away from that nightmare. So my nightmare was sort of a horror movie actually. So, my dream all happened inside my house, and I was with my mom and brother. It was night time, and it was raining outside I think, plus most of the lights were off since it’s night time so it was really scary. Then we noticed that every hour, we receive text messages saying that one of our relatives were dead. Then we were really scared and we were panicking and crying. Then it came to a point when all of our relatives/family were dead, except one. It was dad. So we were kinda worried and we prayed real hard and then it happened, we got a text message saying that dad met an accident, then we got another text message, saying that my boy was dead and I didn’t know what to do I kept on crying and I convinced myself that it was all just a dream and I should wake up. I kept on telling myself that and finally, I WOKE UP. Thank God, it was all just a dream. I woke up in tears, and I couldn’t help but sob a bit more when I realized how bad my nightmare was. So I prayed hard, asking Him not to let something like that to happen in real life. I also texted him, I told him I had a nightmare and to take care of himself always. I forced myself to sleep after crying, but I guess I slept after 30 mins of just staring up at the ceiling, pondering on all the things that “happened”. If there’s one thing that I realized about my nightmare, it’s that I should cherish every moment I spend with my loved ones, ‘cause I would never know when He would decide to take their lives away.
To some people, pride is the most important thing they could ever have, which explains why they would do everything for it not to be tainted. They would do everything, even the things that they would not normally do. They would do it just to protect themselves. Just to show to the people that they are strong enough to carry on with what’s happening in their lives. Pride can either make or break us, depending on the situation. It could make us appear strong and unaffected with whatever dilemma we are into, even if we are actually as affected as anybody in the same situation is.
The downside of having too much pride is that we are somehow setting a huge boundary between what we really want, and what we want society to think we want. Obviously, a person with too much pride would go with what society wants them to be like. The person will end up feeling empty, feeling as if there is something missing deep inside them. This is because they didn’t go after what they really want, taking into consideration all the things that the people might think of them if they would go after what their heart desires. The thing is, we should never let others affect our decisions. We have our own minds, and we are given such so that we could use them. We should listen to our hearts’ desires, and not be afraid to take risks. For it is only in taking risks that we get to achieve what we really want.
Lowering their pride would mean a lot to some people, and to them it could be a sign of weakness and that’s what they would never want the people to see in them. The truth is, lowering your pride, taking the risk, and going after what you really love is a sign of bravery, since doing these things would mean that you would do everything to get what your heart truly desires, even if it would mean having to sacrifice a lot for going after what you really want.
A minute could change your life forever. This statement may sound impossible at first, but if you stop and think about it, it does make sense. A minute may seem like a short period of time for something significant to happen, but what occurs within a minute could be the start of all the best and worst moments in one’s life.
A lot can happen within a minute. An old man might get hit by a car. A girl who is about to deliver a speech might faint because of nervousness. A child might get kidnapped. A woman might get raped. These events could lead to another set of events which would become the basis as to why these particular people behave as such. For instance, a girl could get kissed by the guy she has been in love with for so long, and it could change her life forever. She could end up getting married with that same guy, have kids with him, and spend the rest of eternity with the man of her dreams. Everything happened with just one kiss. Everything happened because of that one minute which began to change the way how things are going. If she had not let that kiss happen, then she could not have ended up with that guy. She might eventually decide to forget about him, then she could find somebody else and fall in love with another guy again. But because she had not let that kiss happen, she would eventually think about the “what ifs” and start having regrets. At the end of the day, she would think of all the possible things that could have happened if she allowed that guy to kiss her. She could end up living her life miserably because of that thing she has been wanting to experience in so long, but was not able to let it happen.
In my own experience, I could say that I’ve wasted a lot of time letting all the good opportunities pass. I admit, I’m not a good decision maker, since I would always have trouble balancing what my mind says and what my heart desires. Because of thinking and weighing all the pros and cons of every decision too much, I would always end up letting a good opportunity pass. Sometimes I think I should have loosened up a little bit. Maybe I should have been a bit more carefree, and not be too scared to commit mistakes, since having a fear to commit mistakes often results to the person putting restraints on his own actions. Maybe this is what happened to me. Maybe I should have done what my heart desires the most, and not let anybody interfere with what I really wanted to do. Maybe I should have moved away from my comfort zone and started doing something new. Life is full of choices. Life is deciding whether to take the long, rocky and muddy road, or the shorter, smoother road with less twists and turns. It’s deciding whether to take the cab, or ride a bike. It’s deciding whether to wear heels, or wear flats. It’s deciding whether to study, or to watch a movie. It’s deciding whether to give up, or to hold on and keep on fighting.
Time is something we cannot take back. Every minute counts. Therefore, we must all learn to value it in the sense that we must live life to the fullest and be careful in making decisions, since these decisions could affect not only us, but the people around us as well. We should learn to make every second worthwhile, grab every opportunity that comes our way so that we won’t have to think about “regrets” in case we have let an opportunity pass. In case we fail, we should be brave enough to face the consequences that are brought about by the decisions we made. If you were given a chance to decide on something you would do within a minute that could change your life forever, what would it be?
So I found this in one of my folders. Hihi. I just felt like sharing this. This is my speech for my oral comm subject. We didn’t get to deliver it in front of the class, we just ended up passing the manuscript.
Sometimes we feel like we know everything after all that we’ve been through. We think we understand everything. We think we know the right thing to do in every situation. Life is a continuous journey, a constant battle, and a never-ending pursuit of knowledge and one could never learn enough.
— <3
Isn’t it scary how a person could be the cause of both your laughter and tears? That no matter how much you try to deny it, he already played a big part in your life and in just a snap, he came and everything changed?
Scary how a single person can change the way you look at certain things. Eventually this person can change your view of what’s beautiful and ugly, good and bad, right and wrong.
Because of that person your own principle becomes vivid, and you wouldn’t know if that someone’s actually good for you or not. You would try your best to deny it, but it would be difficult ‘cause this person has already affected you in every aspect of your life without meaning to.
A woman gave birth while riding the LRT! She gave birth at Libertad station so she named her baby girl Lilibeth. I wonder how the people inside the train reacted to the situation. Grabe!!
You know you’re growing up when:
- You start going out with your friends
- You start having crushes
- Your mean and not-so-nice boy neighbor suddenly became attractive.
- Having pimples is now an issue
- You carry a pack of oil-blotting paper in your bag
- You can’t go out without a bag!
- You now have a kikay kit.
- The usual 5-minute shower time is now just spent taking off your clothes and looking at the mirror.
- You have a closet full of clothes but it will take you a long time choosing what to wear.
- You feel like your problems take on a whole new level! You start feeling like you carry the whole world on your own.
- You get your heart broken.
- The people around you start growing up too. Your parents start having gray strands and health issues. Some of your relatives die because of aging, and no matter how hard you pray to prolong their life, it won’t.
Growing up isn’t as easy as we thought it would be. It’s not just about the changes—physical appearance, personality and attitude. It’s also about the acceptance. Acceptance of the fact that the people we love are also bound to these changes. They also grow up. They grow old, and eventually they will soon leave and we have nothing to do about it. We have to accept the fact that nothing in this world is permanent. Maybe that’s one of the most difficult truths about life—people come and go, and all we have to do is to accept.
